HeritageDaily AWFUL Archaeology Jokes
Why did Robin Hood pull out of the archery contest?
A : He found it an arrowing experience.
Where did Caesar keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.
Did you hear about the angry mummy?
He flipped his lid.
What do you get in a 5-star pyramid?
A: tomb with a view.
Why didn’t Napoleon like to fight his battles on windy days?
A : In case he was blown apart
Cleopatra says to her attendant “I’d love to take a milk bath”
Attendant “Pasteurized?”
Cleopatra “No, just up to my neck”
Q: What was the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece?
A: Troy Story
What sort of art do archaeologists like best?
A : Post-impressionism!
What do you call a Roman Emperor with a cold?
A : Julius Sneezer.
Why wasn’t sunbathing an Olympic sport in ancient Greece?
A : Because the best you can get is bronze.
Two archaeologists were excavating a tomb in Egypt.
Arch.1: I just found another tomb of a mummefied pharoah!
Arch 2: Are you serious?
Arch 1: No bones about it!
What do you call a very, very, very, very, very old joke?
Answer: Pre-hysterical!
When did Caesar reign ?
I didn’t know he reigned.
Of course he did, didn’t they hail him ?
Why did the archaeologist go bankrupt?
A : Because his career was in ruins.
Did you hear the one about the archaeologist that was found knapping on the job?
Answer: Apparently he was stoned.
Teacher: What is a forum?
Pupil: Two-um plus two-um!
What did Richard III say when a planning proposal was submitted for building a car park…
A : “Over my dead body”
How many druids does it take to change a light bulb?
A : Sixteen. One to change the light bulb, and fifteen to realign the stones.
Did you hear about the angry mummy?
He flipped his lid.
Why was the Archaeologist standing in front of his washing machine?
He was watching briefs!
What did the cannibal roman say when he killed his mother-in-law?
A : “I’m glad he ate her”
Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
A : Yes, the Bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah’s court!
A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard day of fighting. ‘How are we faring?’ asks the king. ‘Sire,’ replies the knight. ‘I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.’ ‘What?’ shrieks the king. ‘I don’t have any enemies to the west.’ ‘Oh,’ says the knight. ‘Well, you do now.’
Why do archaeologists like dead people?
A : They get enough of those stiffs!
A gladiator was having a rough day at the arena-his opponent had sliced off both of his arms. Nevertheless, he fought on, kicking and biting as furiously as he could. But when his opponent lopped off both feet, the gladiator had no choice but to give up. He was now both unarmed and defeated.
How did the ancient Romans cut their hair?
A : With a pair of Caesars.
After a hard day’s excavation, an Egyptologist had a pain in her lower back.
It didn’t last long though, she was ok after she saw a cairopractitioner!
Why did the Roman Coliseum have to close?
A: The lions had eaten up all the prophets!
The Emperor Nero is watching some Christians being thrown to the lions. He turns to his wife and says, ‘Do you know what I like most about this sport? No pitch invasions!!’
Why did Cleopatra think she didn’t need a psychiatrist?
A : Because she was the Queen of Denial.
Julius Caesar is addressing the crowd in the Coliseum. ‘Friends, Romans and countrymen. I have returned from my campaign in France where I killed 50,000 Gauls!’ The crowd rises to its feet cheering, ‘Hail mighty Caesar!’ At this point Brutus jumps up and yells, ‘Caesar lies. I’ve discovered he only killed 25,000!’ Caesar replies, ‘Yes, but remember that away Gauls count double in Europe.’
Q: Why did King Richard III go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Now is the winter of our discontent.
I was buried for 500 years under cement.
A search high and low for the right X mark.
There I was underground clamped in a bloody car park
Why are archaeologists greedy?
A : We want archaic… and eat it!
Q: How does King Tut’s secretary answer his calls?
A: “He can’t talk right now, he’s all wrapped up.”
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has just been discovered in Egypt!!!
Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.
Q: When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
A: Rust in peace!
Aside from criminology, I’d say archaeology has the highest body count.
Q: Do mummies enjoy being mummies?
A: Of corpse!
What did the sign In front of the Ancient Egyptian funeral home say?
A : Satisfaction guaranteed or double your MUMMY back!
